You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
