Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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