I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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