no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
