one might say we're banned from that church
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
