Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
