He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
