forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
