this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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