I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
