just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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