70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hippo gnu deer
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
