i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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