I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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