this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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