I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
