please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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