too bad you live with your parents still
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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