I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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