He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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