Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
