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• (586): View more from Michigan

  In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Honestly, what else do I have going for me?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  You make a valid point.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times

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• (207): View more from Maine

  He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.

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• (760): View more from California

  He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."

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• (858): View more from California

  The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.

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