Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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