but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis