Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
