maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
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Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
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He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other