I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
