i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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