I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
handjob tips. give me some.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm both gender and math confused
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
