Where is the hickey?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
