So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
