Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
