He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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