we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
high people should be assigned attendants
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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