I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
