guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
