Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize