the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
