I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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