Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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