wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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