just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
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We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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