This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
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I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
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I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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