Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
