Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
