God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
