Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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