I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize