Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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