You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
