he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
