Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
