you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
