Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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