fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
