Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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