He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
