oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize