It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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