Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Don't make out with my wife yet
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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