is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
